From time to time I take a break from covering research and infographics and share personal pieces.
Don’t fall in love with the ideal, fall for what’s “real”. - Matthew Hussey
I rarely do that since I’d usually rather keep my personal thoughts to myself than broadcast them to the world. It feels like revealing them will mean sharing a delicate and vulnerable piece of me to the world.
I’ve seen many bloggers who successfully share personal accounts and still manage to interest their audience. I don’t think I can be successful in that area. Hence, I opt to focus on stats and analysis on my blog posts.
Yet today I will share a bit more about what I think and feel towards things that are misleading and overrated.
First, one becomes overrated when we think it doesn’t go beyond our expectations. But how do we set expectations? Is there some universal benchmark that needs to be satisfied all the time? The world has pretty much messed up calibration of things.
Like look at advertisements. They’re superficial versions of the reality because marketers constantly are vying for consumers attention and time. There’s so much competition that the only way to stand out is to create an unreal and superfluous versions of what truly exists.
I think there’s nothing wrong with our intentions to do more, live more, be more.
I guess that explains partly as to why the Pepsi commercial “Ask for more” was successful.
But that’s where the problem lies. We have become so accustomed to unreal versions of things that we end up being unhappy with the reality.
Because through the fucked up picture we’ve painted of what’s ideal, we lose the sense of appreciation for things that are raw, naturally beautiful and essential.
We’ve set some pretty high bar based on unreachable, often possibly unattainable goals and expectations set by the media.
One example is when I was watching a local TV show called ‘Maalaala mo Kaya’ (English translation: Will You Remember?). The story was about a battered wife where the husband even tried to burn her.
My first reaction was it was definitely inhumane and too brutal and what kind of guy would do that to the love of his life? Then I realized, the scriptwriters obviously might have embellished the story just to put some element of intrigue and excitement to the show. Clearly showing some minor beating or slapping wouldn’t really get the viewers interest, but man, some burning will!
Elad Nehorai, on his article, I Didn’t Love My Wife When We Got Married, explained why we have a messed up view of ideal vs. real:
“From Disney movies, to my favorite shows like The Office, to practically every pop song released, love is constantly sold as an emotion we have before we’re married. An emotion that, once had, somehow magically stays within a marriage forever.
I can’t imagine a bigger lie. And I’m saddened to think about how much those messages bounced around in my head for so long. And how much I’m sure those messages are bouncing around in other people’s heads as well.
I think that might be a big part of the reason the divorce rate is so high in this country. Imagine a whole nation of people constantly chasing the emotions they had when they were dating. A country of people trying to live a Disney movie.
That’s a recipe for disastrous marriages; for a country with a 50 percent divorce rate; for adultery (the classic attempt to turn the fire back on); for people who do stay together to simply live functional, loveless marriages.
It’s sad to see just how common all the above is. How many people are in pain simply because they’ve been lied to.
Those people deserve better. We all deserve better.
It’s time that we changed the conversation about love. It’s time that we redefine it.
Because until we do, adultery will continue to be common. Loveless marriages. Divorce.
Living Disney movies in our minds, and tragedies in our lives.”
The only way to becoming truly happy is to stop having such a high sense of entitlement of unreal and highly unattainable goals.
Vision, not illusion, will turn ideas into reality.